Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Large mahogany desk.. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Because the Army needed heroes too. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. 4. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? How much noise can we make up here? She also liked her scotch. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. This site contains affiliate links. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Of course, he responded. Pilots 5. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. I will take the both of you for a ride. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. So I quit ordering it.. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Stay out of clouds. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Now, lets try it again! Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. you cant do both. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Rodrigues? Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? What did you do? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. . Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. The c.i.a. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. 36. 2. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. More information More like this Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. 43. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Individual use is by implied consent. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? But yours is.. Caller: Is Sgt. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The tenant shook her head. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Then came Dads ships turn. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Louis, I grumbled. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. 18. Me: Hello? Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Aviation Humor. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Pizza de Resistance 2. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. We were a tough group. Gary Toohard. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. You divertyour course! 32. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Do not attempt to shave with fire. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The INFANTry! 65. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. We recommend our users to update the browser. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . 'Never fly in the same cockpit. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Me: No, I dont. This happened several times times throughout the flight. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. He finally comes dragging in at. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Dad got quiet. Read more. 4. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Attention! Fish Food. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? It was sheer brilliance. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Military jokes! Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. He is the Founder and . Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Aviation JOKES. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot?